Gwinnett Coaching 



How To Get What You Want In Your Relationships


By Lynn Bacon, CPLC, CRC, CFC

Valentines Day is just around the corner and soon you’ll be working on that perfect Valentine’s Day experience for the one you love.Gift giving holidays sometimes throw us into “The Mind Reading Zone” - you know, where the other person really should know what to get 

We have to face it.  Men and women are wired differently.  We just are.  We have never been alike and we never will be.  You know this all too well if you’ve ever been in a relationship and tried to guess what the other person wants.  When we don’t figure it out, we find that there is conflict and plenty of it. 

One aspect of a dynamite relationship is communication, not mind reading!  Following these simple steps will be a great start to avoiding the mind reading trap and produce some great results: 

·    Write down 10 things that you want from your intimate partner, friend or family member

·    Get specific.  State EXACTLY what you want and state it in the positive.  In other words, “I want you to help me with the dishes 3 nights per week” would be more effective than “I wish you would pitch in every now and then.” 

·    Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.  Again, words are everything.  If you say, “I don’t like not knowing when you’ll be home” would be better stated as “I would like you to call if you’re going to be later than 6:00.”  There is a difference! 

·    ASK them for it!  So often we expect our significant other to just know what we want.  This doesn’t work!  We can take our list and make very clear requests.  Reveal the “why’s”.  Why do you want this, and why from this person?  Then…. 

·    ASK them what they want from you.  If they don’t know at that moment, give them time to think through it.  And be willing to give them what they need to feel loved by you. 

·    Check in with each other periodically.  You may need one thing today and another thing next month or year for that matter.  We are always changing and growing

·    Make space for what you want to bring into your life.  If you’re filled with anger and bitterness, there isn’t much room for love and happiness.   What you focus on expands.  If you are focused on the negative in someone, that’s all you will get.  Focus on their good qualities and positive attributes and the best will come back to you


Want to really wow your valentine and want to find their strategy for feeling loved?  Try this: 

When you’re all calm and relaxed, look into their eyes and say something like “you know I love you, don’t you?”  WATCH THEIR EYES!!   

If they go up and to the side - Looking up is a visual preference indication so they might love it if you got all dressed up and give them some beautiful roses.  Make sure you take them somewhere visually pleasing to complete the experience

If they look to the side - Looking to the side is an auditory preference indication and they might like it if you recorded their favorite romantic music or if you tell them all the reasons why you love them.   

If they look down and to the side - Looking down and to the side is an indication of kinesthetic (feeling) preference.  This might give you the clue that a little cuddling and hand holding would make their day






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