How To Get What You Want In Your
By Lynn Bacon, CPLC, CRC,
Valentines Day is just around the corner and soon you’ll be
working on that perfect Valentine’s Day experience for the one you love.Gift giving holidays sometimes throw us into “The Mind Reading
Zone” - you know, where the other person really should know what to get…
We have to face it. Men and women are wired differently. We just are. We have never been alike and we never will be. You know this all too well if you’ve ever been in a relationship and tried to guess what
the other person wants. When we don’t
figure it out, we find that there is conflict and plenty of it.
One aspect of a dynamite relationship is communication, not mind
reading! Following these
simple steps will be a great start to avoiding the mind reading trap and produce some great
· Write down 10 things that you want from your
intimate partner, friend or family member.
State EXACTLY what you want and state it in the positive. In other words, “I want you to help me with the dishes 3
nights per week” would be more effective than “I wish you would pitch in every now and
· Focus on what you want, not what you don’t
want. Again, words are
everything. If you say, “I don’t like not knowing
when you’ll be home” would be better stated as “I would like you to call if you’re going to be later than
6:00.” There is a
· ASK them for
it! So often we expect our
significant other to just know what we want.
This doesn’t work! We can take our list and
make very clear requests. Reveal the
“why’s”. Why do you want this, and why from
· ASK them what they want from
you. If they don’t know at that moment,
give them time to think through it. And be willing to
give them what they need to feel loved by you.
· Check in with each other
periodically. You may need one thing today and
another thing next month or year for that matter. We
are always changing and growing.
· Make space for what you want to bring into your
life. If you’re filled with anger and
bitterness, there isn’t much room for love and happiness. What you focus on expands. If you are focused on the negative in someone, that’s all you
will get. Focus on their good qualities and positive
attributes and the best will come back to you.
Want to really wow your valentine and want to find their strategy for feeling
loved? Try this:
When you’re all calm and relaxed, look into their eyes and say
something like “you know I love you, don’t you?” WATCH THEIR EYES!!
If they go up and to the side - Looking up is a visual preference indication so they might love it if you got all dressed up
and give them some beautiful roses. Make sure you
take them somewhere visually pleasing to complete the experience.
If they look to the side - Looking to the side is an auditory preference indication and they might like it if you recorded
their favorite romantic music or if you tell them all the reasons why you love them.
If they look down and to the side - Looking down and to the side is an indication of kinesthetic (feeling)
preference. This might give you the clue that a
little cuddling and hand holding would make their day.